On Christmas Wishes

So I was writing Christmas cards for all of my JTE's (Japanese Teachers of English), and I got stuck on one. He is a new teacher, and very young (23. One year younger than me. But he's SO YOUNG). He looks like he could be one of my students - he's one of those J-guys (J- is a gaijin abbreviation for Japanese) that seem to look as if they're 10-20 years younger than they really are. I doesn't help that he's shorter than I am. One day I was standing next to him and realized that if we were playing hockey, I could totally hip check him in the ribcage. He's scared to death of me - every time I speak to him, his eyes get really wide and he looks around for the other JTE's so they can translate for him. He's an English teacher, but he's embarrassed about how bad his English is, so he hates to speak English. He's passive and a bit of a wuss. But he's sweet in a little kid kind of way, so I like him even if I get frustrated with him a lot. I think a good nickname for his would be Mr. Passivity.

So as I was trying to write his Christmas card, I couldn't actually think of anything to write inside of it. Everytime I tried to think of what to write, the only thing that entered my head was, "Dear I-sensei, Grow some balls. -Jessica" I eventually did manage to write something other than that, but I concentrated on every word I wrote just in case those other words were going to spring unbidden onto the page.

As an update of sorts (this is about a week after I was writing the cards):

I sort of got my Christmas wish! Mr. Passivity almost grew some balls for once. They were heavily lubricated (get your minds out of the gutters, people!) with alcohol, though, so I don't know if that really counts... At the bonenkai (end of the year party) tonight, M-sensei and I were leaving after the first party. Passivity sensei asked if I was coming to the second party, and I said that I was sorry, but I had to get up early tomorrow to go on a trip with another teacher (it was the truth - I wasn't lying). After a pause, he said, "I have to be in Yamaguchi tomorrow morning. At 7:40. What time do you go?" Now that may not sound like much, but he's Japanese, so you have to translate that correctly. What he really said was, "So what, you wuss! I'm getting up at 5:30 in the frickin' morning, and I'll have a hangover, and I'm STILL going to the second party. What's your excuse?" Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus. I was so proud of him, I wanted to hug him! He even said it in a slightly different tone than normal. I wouldn't say an aggressive tone becuase I'm not entirely certain that he's capable of that, but he at least attempted it. I politely refused to go again, but I kind of wanted to, if for nothing else than to see him acting like he's got a pair.

On School Assemblies and Other Things That Motivate People to Count Ceiling Tiles

I hate school assemblies. They are long, boring, and a waste of everyone`s time, including my own. And my time is valuable. Every minute I`m in an assembly is a minute that could be spent sleeping in the teachers room. We had a school assembly today in order to prepare students for Winter Break. Pretty much the gist of it was, “be good over break, study hard, don`t have too much fun.” The students listened to the principals`s speech, which was thankfully shorter than normal (only 10 minutes of nonsense this time instead of the usual 20!), then they gathered to say the school pledge or whatever and sing the school song. After that, they got up to sing a random song, the point of which I`m not entirely certain. More speeches by other students (long, boring, pointless speeches), and I was thinking I was home free after only 40 minutes. I was fairly frigid at this point (no central/indoor heating in Japan, so the gym was about 35-40 degrees). Then they called in “The Talker.” The Talker is a guy who loves the sound of his own voice. He talks all the time, just for the sake of talking. I don`t know if he actually says anything helpful or instructive. I just know it`s usually fairly long. He`s sort of like the evil twin of the energizer bunny. He never quits, even though I wish he would sometimes. He talked for over 15 minutes. And the students are required to sit attentively the whole time, looking as if they are enraptured in his words. In reality, they are probably trying to figure out what the first stage of frostbite looks like and if that numb sensation in their feet and hands is something they should be concerned about. I was quite awake and perky until he started talking – once he started speaking, though, my will to live was sucked right out of me. I was almost asleep at several points in his riveting speech, and was jerked back to awareness by him yelling some phrase or another (he likes to yell, too). I have never been so happy to hear someone ask students to stand up, as it signaled the end of his monopoly on the microphone. I think I`m just going to abuse my privileges as a foreigner and walk out next time he starts to talk at an assembly.

On Learning the Native Language

So I had fun with Japanese today at my base school. I was looking at I-sensei's papers and noticed he made a grammar mistake. I fixed it, then felt bad. He's studying English really hard, and I'm not studying Japanese. So I got motivated to study Japanese. When we got back to the teachers room, I started studying my Japanese book and got quite far. Towards the end fo the day, though, I came across something that confused me. Basic explanation. In my Japanese class at Owens, sensei (and the textbook) taught us that "benkyo o shimasu" is "to study" or "I study". The books that JET gives us, though, says it should be "benkyo shimasu". So I asked my head English teacher which was right. She thought about it and said both phrases quite a few times, but she couldn't figure out the difference. She asked the science teacher sitting across from her. Both teahcers started saying both phrases and were both getting confused. The principal walked by at that time, and overheard them, so he asked what was up, and my English teacher explained. So he started trying to think which was phrase was better (it should be noted that it's VERY hard for a non-native Japanese speaker to hear the difference between the two phrases, so it almost sounded like they were just repeating some sort of odd mantra about studying). The Vice Principal then came over to see what was up, and he joined in with his INCREDIBLY loud voice. The art teacher wandered up the aisle trying to get to his desk and got caught up in it, too. To make a long story short, eventually we had about 10 people crammed in the small aisle between my English teacher and I. Quite fun. And the teachers never came to a consensus about which was more accurate. They even asked a Japanese teacher, and she wasn't sure. The confusion lasted for about 15 minutes.

I eventually looked up at the principal and said, in a very exasperated way, "benkyo o shimasen (I do NOT study)" and closed my book, slamming it on my desk. He laughed and said "benkyo shimasen"?. I rolled my eyes (in retrospect, rolling your eyes at your boss is probably not the best idea I ever had, but he laughed because I was attempting to use Japanese to express my frustration) and said, "Nihongo wa muzukashii, ne? Eigo was yasai" (which I thought meant "Japanese is hard, right? English is easy" but which ACTUALLY meant "Japanese is hard, English is a vegetable". I think he understood what I meant.) After laughing, he put on a serious face and said, "Hai. Nihongo wa totemo muzukashii desu. Ganbatte." ("Yes, Japanese is very difficult. Good luck.") I smiled and then put my book in the trashcan, saying, "yaku ni tatanai" (useless!). He laughed and agreed that that was where it belonged.

Now I'm rather discouraged about learning Japanese. If even the native speakers have no clue what's going on, how do I have any hope of learning it? On the other hand, I did manage to be slightly cheeky, bordering on sarcastic, using only a few, simple words. So maybe there is hope yet.

On Choosing Your Words Carefully

On my lesson plan for today, the teacher said, "The AET will teach students American hand gestures, asking 'Do you know what this means?" I don't know about you guys, but any of the first 5 gestures that came into my head upon reading that would get my kids shot in downtown L.A.

Sorry I haven't updated much. I have loads more to write about, but I have an early morning tomorrow. This weekend will be my first free weekend in quite some time, so I will hopefully have time to add more updates then.

On the True Meaning of Christmas

Haven't updated in awhile, so I thought I'd throw something quick up here.

Today in class, we were playing a "describing game." We divided the room into 2 teams, then I would describe a person, place, or thing to the students and they had to figure out what I was describing. The last question was supposed to be hard, and the teacher told me to describe Santa Claus in a very vague way. So I said, "This is a person. It's a man. He is old. He has a white beard (hair on your face) and white hair. He delivers presents." The students whispered amongst themselves to try to figure out who I was talking about. One student turned and looked at me. "Osama bin Laden?" she asked.

I fear that my student's Christmas cards will read: A very Merry Christmas and a happy Jihad to all.