ON THE JOYS OF TEAM SPORTS
Parts of this one are going to be PG-13, so I apologize. I will warn you about them before they come.
I posted a short and cryptic update about my soccer weekend and never actually got around to finishing the post. I’ll try not to make this a mammoth post, but something tells me that it will be.
From June 8-June10, there was a large soccer tournament on Awaji Island near Kobe. ALTs from the western side of Japan came to drink beer and play soccer, in that order. We had had a tournament similar to this in December except that in the December tournament, it was sleeting while we were playing.
Our girls team was going to go in 2 cars to Awaji, a great feat, seeing as it is a 6 hour drive. We left Friday night and would return Sunday night. I was placed in the car driven by our goalie, a very nice, possibly insane, lady. She is from Australia, she is a chain smoker, she loves to drink, and she has some serious anger management problems. Great fun. It turns out she has serious road rage, too. If someone was driving slower than her in the fast lane, she would drive up right behind them, flick her lights on and off at them, and honk her horn. Great times making friends in Japan. There were 5 people in the car, so it was a little cramped, but still enjoyable for the first 5 minutes. After the first hour, we (we being the others in the car, not me) decided to play an absolutely wonderful game which has a bad word in the title, so I will not elucidate. Essentially, a person had to give the names of 3 people, either famous men or men in our prefecture, and then everyone else has to decide who they personally would sleep with (one night stand), kill, and marry. Great fun, great fun. This game was sadly interrupted by the apparent typhoon that suddenly came upon us. As we were driving through mountainous, windy roads, a storm suddenly overtook us. I have never driven in a storm like this, and I was quick glad that I was not driving. It was almost impossible to see through the rain; every time thunder struck, we could feel the car shaking, and the car was being hit by debris from the trees near the road. We were driving on a 4 lane highway, and we couldn't even see the cars next to us. We were inland, with a city on one side and a mountain on the other, and I will clarify that there were no bodies of water nearby; all of which made it very surprising when the tidal wave hit. We have no idea where it came from or what it was. We were driving along, and suddenly, a gigantic wave came at our car from the right side, engulfed the car for 3 seconds, then was gone. Totally out of nowhere. Fun times. We got to Awaji 7 hours later, all grateful to be alive.
We got to the hotel and found out that there were only 2 rooms for our team - one with 3 beds, and one with 4. 2 of the other girls in my car were nonsmokers and pretty calm people, so we immediately decided to steal the 3 bed room on the pretense of it being a nonsmoking room. I was fairly happy with the arrangement, as I thought the other 2 were nice girls. One of them, who shares the same name as me, has a similar sense of humor to me, and she likes anime. Happy times. So we went to bed at around 1 in the morning and got up around 7. Nice, relaxing night sleep on a bed as hard as rock. We got dressed, headed out to the field, met 2 of our players (girls play on half-fields and need 6 players for a team; we had 5, so we asked 2 girls from another prefecture to play with us). Played the first game. Won 4-0. Played the second game. One of our girls rolled her ankle, so she was out for the rest of the day. We had to play most of the second game and the third game with no subs. But we still won the second game 6-0. The third game was a long awaited grudge match between our team and the team that had won 1st place at the December tournament (we had been second). They have girls on that team who played soccer in college, so they're a really strong team. Our goalie was doing all sorts of swearing to rev herself up because she really hates this team. The previous year, one of their players accidentally injured her, and she was looking for revenge. So it was rather ironic that 5 minutes into the game, one of their players accidentally kicked her in the head, making her bit through her bottom lip and giving her a concussion, thereby bringing our number of players to 5. Hurray. Luckily, someone was on had to take her to the hospital to get stitches, and the other team waited long enough for us to get another team's goalie so we could have 6 players. Amazingly, we actually managed to hold them to a tie. Until the last minute of the game. We asked the ref "How much time?" and she said "Less than a minute". Great, we only had to hold them for one minute, then we could go into Penalty Kicks! And then they scored, with 30 seconds left in the game. Crap. Heartbreaking loss, 1-0.
Everyone wanted to go into Kobe that night to a Brazilian restaurant, but our goalie was in no position to drive, as she was taking some great pain medication that made her slightly loopy (though that could have been the concussion...). Darn, looks like we couldn't go. But wait. What's that, you said? Was there an AET nearby who had only just recently earned her Japanese driver's license? Why, yes, amazingly enough, there was!! And just GUESS how EXCITED she was to be driving a TOTALLY INSANE strangers CAR through LOTS of traffic in a BIG JAPANESE CITY?!? She was THRILLED!!! So after an incident I won't talk about, as it involves onsens and embarrassment, we went out to Kobe.
The restaurant was indeed nice (I still haven't taken the time to get the pictures on my computer yet, so I can't post them. Sorry), and it features a large array of salad bar type foods buffet style. Also, at each table, there were a few empty plates, and every few minutes, a large man would come by with a ginormous spit of meat (pork, sausages, beef, chicken, you name it, they had it) and he would carve some of it onto the plate using a knife which any samurai could have easily used as a sword. It was about $25 for nomihoudai (all you can drink) and tabehoudai (all you can eat) for 2 hours, so most of the AETs consumed an amount of alcohol that would have made most Vikings stand back in awe. I had fun listening in to conversations around me (I had people from Canada, England, Scotland, Australia, and South Africa sitting around me) and contemplating if our goalie should be mixing her pain medication with 3, no, 4 beers and 1 chuhai (a fruity alcoholic beer thing, I think). Nothing wrong with mixing medication and alcohol, right? I'm sure there could be no bad consequences from that. Everyone kept saying how sorry they felt for me because I couldn't drink since I was driving. Yup, it was a shame, but we all have to make sacrifices in life. It probably helps that I don't drink anyways...
This next paragraph is a little...gross at parts, so if you're squeamish or don't like potty humor, don't read it, please. If you read it anyways, well, I did warn you... So we left the restaurant. I didn't know the way back to Kobe (I had followed another team's bus to get to the restaurant), so the girls in my car all piled back in and we waited for the other team to go back to their bus (it had to park a few blocks away from our cars, so they had quite a walk). After 20 minutes, one of the girls finally said, "I've gotta pee." Now, I know that we had all been thinking that (I had had quite a few ginger ales myself, so I was feeling the pressure, so to speak), but no one wanted to say anything. After 25 minutes, we figured the bus must have forgotten to come back to get us. The girl then said, "Okay, I can't hold it, I'm gonna pop a squat." For those of you who don't know, to "pop a squat" is to crouch down where ever you are and go to the bathroom. So she gets out of the car, goes up to are goalie who is smoking a cigarette (high, intoxicated, and getting some tobacco in - great combo!) and asks the goalie to stand in front of her. She then goes up on the curb so some bushes are blocking her on one side, the car on another, a phone booth and bushes behind, and the goalie in front. She then proceeds to pull her pants down IN FULL VIEW OF EVERYONE DRIVING ON THE ROAD and goes to the bathroom. She then gets back up and gets back in the car. I must say that at that point, everyone in the car was dying with laughter, including the goalie who was standing in front of her. She was very unapologetic about it - "well, I needed to go!". Five minutes later, she announced that she had to go again. Everyone berated her for "breaking the seal" (going to the bathroom the first time after lots of drinking; once you go the first time, apparently, you need to go soon after that), but she got out again and went once more. Another girl in the car then figured that she might as well go, too; plus, she's wearing a dress, so she figured it be easier for her to go. So she goes out to almost the same spot and starts to do her business. She suddenly shrieks with laughter and informs us all that her legs are getting wet because she is going so hard that it's ricocheting off the sidewalk and on her legs. Poor girl. Couldn't get much worse than that. Oh, wait, what's that coming towards us? Why, it's the bus for the other soccer team pulling up right across from Peeing Girl! Wow, talk about phenomenal timing. She leaned over onto the hood of the car, laughing so hard that she couldn't even stand up. "I'm still peeing," she gasped, "I can't stop!" Some of the other team looked out the windows and saw her, which was quite amazing, as she had at least 10 Japanese people walk past her without noticing what was going on. She finally finished her business and got back in the car. Her nickname the next day was, of course, Potty Legs.
So we got back at around 11, and there was another party that almost all the players were going to at a nearby bar. Hmmm...I could go to a bar and watch people get drunk and do dumb things, OR I could relax, stretch my aching muscles, read a book, and get to bed early. Yeah, I am such an old woman at heart. So I went to bed at around12, was woken up at 2 by one of my roommates coming in, was woken up again at 4 by the other roommate coming in and talking, I assumed to my other roommate, woke up again at 6 because someone was snoring really loudly (one of my roommates had a cold and warned us that she might snore), and finally got up with my alarm at 7. I looked over at the one roommate (2am) and she was awake and looking slightly annoyed. I assumed it was because our other roommate (4am) was snoring. I nodded at 2am, indicating that yes, the snoring was annoying. Then I looked over at 4 am and saw that HER EYES WERE OPEN. Weird. Her eyes were open and she was snoring. Talented, that is. I will comment here that even though I don't drink, my mind tends to act drunk when it is tired. Logic and I are not friends in the early morning hours, especially when muscle pain, cramps, and sunburn are involved. Looking more closely at 4 am, I saw something else weird. She apparently had 3 HANDS. AHH!! Freaky! How'd that happen? I put my glasses on and peered at her again. 3 hands. 3 arms. 2 heads. Ummm...yeah. There was a guy in her bed. THERE WAS A GUY IN HER BED WITH HER!!! Well, now I knew who she had been talking to at 4 in the morning. When she realized we were both awake, she said, "I'm sorry, guys, he followed me home!" Apparently, they had met outside our hotel the night before at 3am and had started talking and making out. He was so drunk at that point that he actually couldn't remember the name of his hotel (he had come that day, so he had only seen it for 10 minutes), so 4 am, being a kind soul and not wanting him to have to sleep out in the rain, had offered to let him stay with us. Nice. Very kind. So that was an exciting way to wake up.
So we got up, got ready (which is really hard when every muscle in your body is trying to remind you that the most athletic thing you've don't since December was play tag with the elementary school students, and you had had to stop after 5 minutes because you were so winded and sore), and headed back out to the field. For some reason, the brackets were messed up, and even though there were 8 girls teams, we ended up playing 2 of the same teams we had played the day before. We won our first game 2-1, and then our second game was against the Team of Amazingness. They hadn't gone out to the bar the night before, so they were all fresh as daisies. The entirety of our team, except for me, were playing with hangovers (the first game started at 9:30am). This was not going to go well. Their first attempt at scoring was stopped by our goalie; after seeing our goalie coming towards the ball, their player backed off and stopped charging. Our goalie talked to their team and told them she was okay (which she wasn't - apparently alcohol+medication+tobacco really DON'T mix well. Who would have thunk?) and that they didn't need to play overly-easy for fear of hurting her again. They took her at her word, and we lost 3-0 (should have been 2-0 - the first goal was scored offsides). It would have been worse, but for the last 4 minutes of the game (The games were 40 minutes long), we knew there was no way we were going to come back, and they were saving themselves for the championship game, so it was nice. Everyone jogged instead of running, when someone got the ball they just hauled off and kicked it as far as the could instead of passing to other people, and no one was being entirely aggressive. Heartbreaker for us, since it meant we wouldn't get 2nd place this time around, even though we deserved it (for those who know me, I usually don't brag often, but when I do, it's deserved bragging. We really were the only competition this other team had. Our team had 3 girls who played high school soccer, and the rest of us played some sort of sports in our lives, so we have a generic sports coordination thing going on; the other teams mostly had girls who had never played a sport in their lives. People kept asking how often our team practiced [Team Amazingness practices once a week]; most were stunned to learn that we, at best, practiced once a month, and that we had just met 2 of our players on the first day of the tournament). So we went into the 3rd/4th place match against an equally unenthusiastic team. We each agreed that we were tired, and they knew we were going to win, so we got the ref to allow us to play a 20 minute game. We scored a goal in the first minute, and it was pretty much over after that. It was a much more relaxed and fun game than our last had been, so it was a nice ending. We got third place - a nice trophy, and a large case of beer. Hurrah.
I had to drive home that night, which was all sorts of fun. 6 hours of driving after 2 days of intense physical exercise, sunburn, sleep deprivation, and stress. What more could one ask for? What's that, you say? A trip to an onsen (hot spring) after which the guys describe as a RUDE TERM COMING UP, PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU'RE EASILY OFFENDED "wang by wang replay" OKAY YOU CAN READ AGAIN. I need to hang out with AETs more often because it makes me feel so good and morally superior. Anyways, 5 hours into the drive, the goalie says she can drive, and I'm so tired that I believe her. We got back to the city we departed from at 12:30, and then I had to drive another teammate home, so I didn't get back to my apartment until around 1 or 1:30. And I had school the next day. Fun stuff. All day Monday, I was doing a sexy "Night of the Living Dead" jolting type of stop-and-go walk. Stairs were equally amusing, as I could barely lift my legs (before I started playing soccer, I had not been aware that I even HAD a groin. Did you know that everyone has groin muscles, and that these muscles can be pulled and strained? See how much I've learned since I've come to Japan?). Now, two weeks later, I finally got over the cold I got from Miss 4am (her midnight make out partner didn't get it, which I think is a little unfair), I'm walking more naturally, and I've stopped crying every time I see a soccer ball. Progress is being made, I think. Maybe by the next tournament that rolls around in December, I'll actually be willing to make another attempt at being sporty. Until then, though, I think the most exercise I want is the bicep curls I do while changing tv channels.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
ON MY THREE STALKERS
At my Base School, there are three first year boys who absolutely crack me up. They always say hello to me in incredibly loud voices. The other day after class, they came up to me as I was gathering my stuff and all stared nervously at each other. One of them (the tallest, and therefore, I think, the leader), said “se no” which is the Japanese equivalent of “okay, an three, two, one”, and then they all said in unison, “Jessica is cute.” I laughed and thanked them for their nice lie, and they all giggled a bit (I didn’t know boys could giggle, but I guess they can). Ever since then, whenever they see me, one of them says “se no” and they all say “Jessica is cute.” Talk about a daily ego boost. As an update, they just learned the word “beautiful.” Today, they came up to me and did their “se, no, Jessica is cute AND beautiful.” And people ask why I like Japan…
ON NATURE'S WARNING SIGNS
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I have a bad poker face. When I’m feeling particularly annoyed, overstressed, and generally ticked off, my eyelids start to twitch. I don’t think most people would notice it, but I do, and it annoys me even more. I can’t help but think that it twitches for a reason. Maybe it’s like one of nature’s warning signs: poisonous frogs are brightly colored, rattlesnakes have their rattle, that guy in the Farside cartoon has an inflatable floaty and a bazooka, and my eyelid twitches. It's natures way of telling people that what they are approaching is dangerous and under pressure, so everyone should stay away. I think I need to make the twitch more obvious so some of my more annoying acquaintances stay away...
ON MORE TRANSLATION FUN
I was in an adult conversation class the other day, and one of the men was talking to me about some topic or other (I’ve forgotten what it was about). We were chatting, and suddenly he said a word that didn’t fit. “He was being very impodent.” I asked him to repeat it, but it didn’t make any more sense the second time around. I had no idea what he was trying to say, but it sure sounded like “impotent” to me. Figuring that was the wrong word, I asked him to repeat it. Three more times of him saying “impotent” at me, and I was no closer to figuring out what he meant, though I was a lot closer to laughing. I tried to help him out by making some guesses. “Important? Impressive? Impersonation?” But he kept saying those words weren’t right, and repeating “impotent” like it would help me figure out what he was saying. Eventually he got out his dictionary and looked up the word he wanted. He turned his dictionary to me, and I read the word. Oh, impudent! Okay. That makes sense. He gave me a “duh, of course it makes sense look, then asked me what I thought he had said. I taught him a new phrase, “I plead the fifth.”
ON HOOKED ON KANJI
My students at one school were learning the phrase “Do you know…?” My English teacher for that class decided that the students should write some different kanji (Chinese characters) and ask me if I knew what they meant. Now, I was less than thrilled with this, as my kanji comprehension is at about the level of a Japanese infant. After being in Japan one year, you’d think I’d be getting some decent skills, but in truth, I’m a slacker. I haven’t been studying nearly as hard as I should have been, and this is becoming all too apparent to me as I’m about to enter my second year here. So the students were asking me about some kanji, most of them holding up just one character and asking me about it. I understood the easier ones they held up (river, mountain, forest, stomach ulcer), but then one student got up and held up what looked to be a diagram of Fort Knox, but what actually turned out to be ５ kanji strung together. He asked me, “Do you know what this kanji is?” I informed him that of course, I had no idea. I did recognize some of the kanji for the city of Tokyo, so I mentioned that to him. He then said, “That’s right!” (He was reading off the script the teacher prepared for him, so he wasn’t sure how to say “That’s half-right.”). “This kanji is Tokyotokkyokyokakyoku.” He explained it meant “Tokyo Patent Permission Office”, which was honestly, obviously going to be my next guess. He was impressed that I had at least managed the "Tokyo" part and declared my kanji skills to be "amazing." Again, another ego boost. I'm not sure I'll be able to make it back to America, as my big head is no doubt going to have trouble fitting on the plane.
At my Base School, there are three first year boys who absolutely crack me up. They always say hello to me in incredibly loud voices. The other day after class, they came up to me as I was gathering my stuff and all stared nervously at each other. One of them (the tallest, and therefore, I think, the leader), said “se no” which is the Japanese equivalent of “okay, an three, two, one”, and then they all said in unison, “Jessica is cute.” I laughed and thanked them for their nice lie, and they all giggled a bit (I didn’t know boys could giggle, but I guess they can). Ever since then, whenever they see me, one of them says “se no” and they all say “Jessica is cute.” Talk about a daily ego boost. As an update, they just learned the word “beautiful.” Today, they came up to me and did their “se, no, Jessica is cute AND beautiful.” And people ask why I like Japan…
ON NATURE'S WARNING SIGNS
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I have a bad poker face. When I’m feeling particularly annoyed, overstressed, and generally ticked off, my eyelids start to twitch. I don’t think most people would notice it, but I do, and it annoys me even more. I can’t help but think that it twitches for a reason. Maybe it’s like one of nature’s warning signs: poisonous frogs are brightly colored, rattlesnakes have their rattle, that guy in the Farside cartoon has an inflatable floaty and a bazooka, and my eyelid twitches. It's natures way of telling people that what they are approaching is dangerous and under pressure, so everyone should stay away. I think I need to make the twitch more obvious so some of my more annoying acquaintances stay away...
ON MORE TRANSLATION FUN
I was in an adult conversation class the other day, and one of the men was talking to me about some topic or other (I’ve forgotten what it was about). We were chatting, and suddenly he said a word that didn’t fit. “He was being very impodent.” I asked him to repeat it, but it didn’t make any more sense the second time around. I had no idea what he was trying to say, but it sure sounded like “impotent” to me. Figuring that was the wrong word, I asked him to repeat it. Three more times of him saying “impotent” at me, and I was no closer to figuring out what he meant, though I was a lot closer to laughing. I tried to help him out by making some guesses. “Important? Impressive? Impersonation?” But he kept saying those words weren’t right, and repeating “impotent” like it would help me figure out what he was saying. Eventually he got out his dictionary and looked up the word he wanted. He turned his dictionary to me, and I read the word. Oh, impudent! Okay. That makes sense. He gave me a “duh, of course it makes sense look, then asked me what I thought he had said. I taught him a new phrase, “I plead the fifth.”
ON HOOKED ON KANJI
My students at one school were learning the phrase “Do you know…?” My English teacher for that class decided that the students should write some different kanji (Chinese characters) and ask me if I knew what they meant. Now, I was less than thrilled with this, as my kanji comprehension is at about the level of a Japanese infant. After being in Japan one year, you’d think I’d be getting some decent skills, but in truth, I’m a slacker. I haven’t been studying nearly as hard as I should have been, and this is becoming all too apparent to me as I’m about to enter my second year here. So the students were asking me about some kanji, most of them holding up just one character and asking me about it. I understood the easier ones they held up (river, mountain, forest, stomach ulcer), but then one student got up and held up what looked to be a diagram of Fort Knox, but what actually turned out to be ５ kanji strung together. He asked me, “Do you know what this kanji is?” I informed him that of course, I had no idea. I did recognize some of the kanji for the city of Tokyo, so I mentioned that to him. He then said, “That’s right!” (He was reading off the script the teacher prepared for him, so he wasn’t sure how to say “That’s half-right.”). “This kanji is Tokyotokkyokyokakyoku.” He explained it meant “Tokyo Patent Permission Office”, which was honestly, obviously going to be my next guess. He was impressed that I had at least managed the "Tokyo" part and declared my kanji skills to be "amazing." Again, another ego boost. I'm not sure I'll be able to make it back to America, as my big head is no doubt going to have trouble fitting on the plane.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Announcements
In case anyone hasn't heard, I'm coming home for 2 weeks in July (the 14-29). So if anyone wants to visit, I'll be home some time during that period. We already have family events scheduled, so for any of my friends, fans, or stalkers, please email me to set up a time to meet if you want. :-)
ON GETTING A JAPANESE DRIVERS LICENSE
So I went to get my drivers license on Friday, June 1st, leaving bright and early in the morning. I left my BOE at 8:15 to the applause and wishes of good luck from my BOE bosses (embarrassing much? And of course, it didn't add any pressure to the situation). I headed out with the same woman who had helped me before (and who should be nominated for sainthood, I think). I reminded my BOE that 9 out of 10 foreigners fail the Japanese driving test their first time, but I don't think it really sunk in. I think they thought I was just exaggerating. I wasn't.
More fun times at the Japanese DMV. We got to enjoy the window hunt again, but luckily we actually got to the right windows. Our first window stop (window 12-14) led us to the guy who had "helped" us last time. He did my paperwork, welcomed me back, and wished me good luck. We got through all the necessary paperwork (hand in paperwork Window 12, pay fee at Red Window3, show stamps obtained from paying fee to person at window 10, get more paperwork from Red Window 4 and have police officer X help fill it out [ever tried to ask someone who doesn't speak your language if they have narcolepsy? That was some fun paperwork, let me tell you. My poor BOE lady...] go to big booth 2 to get eyes tested [by a sweet old man who spoke no English, but told me I could use English for the eye test if it made me more comfortable], then wait upstairs in waiting area 2 for someone who will give me the written test), and went to our assigned waiting area. There were already about 150 Japanese people in the testing room (for native Japanese, they have to answer 100 questions on the written portion of their driving test - I had 10. Sweet.); at 10:20, a police officer came and took me into the back of the testing hall.
I was slightly worried about the written test, as if I failed that, I would have to go home and come back another day, which would have been horrendously embarrassing. Other AET’s have said that the test is very easy, and if you fail you shouldn’t be let within 10 feet of a car. Even more pressure, because if I’m the one idiot that fails this thing, I’m never going to live it down. So I listened attentively as the officer explained (in Japanese) how I was supposed to take the test (circle True of False - he was worried I didn't understand those complicated directions, so he repeated them about 3 different ways, then asked for confirmation that I understood.). He led me to the back of the testing hall where I sat down and opened a notebook with 10 pages (clearly marked with numbers 1-10 on 10 different colored tabs). The examiner told me I had 10 minutes to finish the test - it worried me a little that I had so little time, so I hurriedly opened to the first question, which was a really tough opener. "If the traffic light is green, but there is a police officer signaling for you to stop, you should obey the police officers' directions. True or False." I think I agonized over that one for AT LEAST 10 whole seconds. The other 9 questions were just as difficult. It took me almost THREE WHOLE MINUTES to answer said questions. I went through the test twice, and after 4 agonizing minutes, I turned to the officer to let him know I was done. He smiled and said, "Easy, right?" He directed me back to the waiting area where the BOE lady looked up at me amazed. "That was four minutes. You're done?" Ten minutes later, the guy came back and said that I had, of course, passed (his words, not mine).
The officer then directed us to a room overlooking an enclosed driving course. He gave us a sheet of paper with a course mapped out and said the testing would start at 1:00, and we could walk the course at 12 if we wanted to. So I had roughly 2 and 1/2 hours to memorize the course, which was easier than I thought it would be. After 20 minutes of studying the course and memorizing it, my BOE lady asked if I wanted to go get lunch so we could walk the course at noon. I was feeling really nauseous and didn't want to eat anything for fear of booting in the course car (we didn't get to drive our own cars for the test, we had to drive cars the course provided for us), but I knew that if I didn't eat, this woman wouldn't eat, either. We headed down to the cafeteria and I was delighted to see that all the food served there was deep fried, greasy, or piping hot. Just the thing for a nervous stomach! I got a bowl of noodles, hoping it wouldn't be to horrible on my gut, and finished in about 3 minutes. We headed back to the course and waited another tense 10 minutes (SERIOUSLY the woman with me deserves SAINTHOOD) before we walked down to the course. I didn't know how long it would take, so I started walking fast before I realized my BOE lady is a good foot shorter than I am, so it was taxing her a bit to trot at my pace. I tried to slow down, but my nerves were having none of that. We walked the course in about 15 minutes, talking through when to stop, where to look, when to signal, etc. When we got back to the start point, I told her I wanted to walk again, but didn't want to drag her along, so she took my things and went back upstairs to wait. This time through, I flew. I walked the course in about 10 minutes, paying particular attention to the trouble areas.
The trouble areas in this course were 2 particular spots. There's a part called the "s-curve", which is an sharp s-curve about the width of a parking space. The next tricky part is called "The Crank." The crank is 3 very sharp 90 degree turns with flexible poles lining each corner. Rules of the test are: if you fall off the road, it's an automatic failure (they built a trench alongside the road, so if you accidentally get too close to the edge, it's rather obvious that you're off the road), and if you hit a cone or pole, it's an automatic failure.
I looked at my watch after my second walk through and saw that I had 5 minutes before the course closed, so I went back up to wait. Ms. Saint Theresa and I waited for another 15 tense minutes before a guy came up the stairs and confirmed my identity. There were 2 other Japanese guys waiting, so he talked to them for about 5 minutes (they would be driving a different course than me, so he was explaining their route). Then he got to me, confirmed that I spoke a little Japanese, and we were off. Now, there are a lot of routine things one must do when doing a Japanese driving test. The test itself is not so much a driving test as a test to see how truly serious you take driving. You get TONS of points taken off if you don't do certain things at certain times. The key to passing this test, I had been told, was to drive as slowly and as carefully as if you were going through a field full of puppies frolicking around children playing dodge ball.
Before the test, the instructor got in the car, as did the next driver (the driver that will drive after you sits in the car as you take your test. Really, great fun. I highly suggest for your next driving test, you get someone who's never seen a foreigner in their life before and stick them in your car. It's really quite fun to have someone staring at you from the back seat of your car while you're trying to concentrate. And I mean staring. EVERY stinking time I turned around to check my blind spot or looked in my mirror, he was staring at me.). Instead of getting in right away, I had to walk around the car, check the tires, check the mirrors, and make sure no stray object, cats, or nuclear devices were located near the car. I then opened my door, said "Excuse me" in Japanese, and got in once the instructor gave me permission. I checked my mirrors, checked my seat, checked my mirrors, looked to the left, looked to the right, checked the mirrors, checked that everyone was wearing their seatbelts, checked my mirrors. This test is all about over exaggerating everything you do so they can see that you are serious about driving. Every time I checked a mirror, I made sure to swivel my head so that he KNEW I was checking a mirror. Every time I checked my blind spot, I almost literally turned all the way around in my seat so that he couldn't miss what I was doing.
So, starting the test. Turned on the car, put it in drive, took off the parking brake, signaled to go out, checked my mirrors, checked my blind spot, waited for the bus, and released the brake. I had been told by other AET's to drive insanely slowly on this course, like around 5 kilometers an hour (I think that's -.2 miles per hour or something). I started off at about 10-15 kph, and that seemed incredibly slow, but I kept at it. Around a curve, turn left, approach a blind stop. Stop. Count to 4, roll forward, stop again, count to 4, check, recheck, triple check, okay. Pull out right turn stop light is green, slow down, check crosswalks, speed up, left turn into s-curve, go slow, stop breathing, keep tears inside, finish s-curve, thank God, signal left out of s-curve, stop, count to 4, go left, stop, count to 4, another left, traffic light, stop, green light, go slow, look at crosswalk, go left, go straight, another left (for the love of all that is holy, ENOUGH with the lefts!!, go straight, another left, and left into the crank, passenger seat passes corner, crank the wheel, drivers seat passes corner, crank the wheel, slow down, passengers seat passes corner, crank the wheel, signal left, start breathing again, count to 4, turn left, go straight, look at crosswalk for stray dogs, children, or gorillas, turn right, turn left, turn left, go around a corner, go straight, go back towards the car garage, look both ways, slow down for crosswalk, signal right, turn right, pull into parking space, brake, car in park, parking break on, car off, check mirrors, get out of car, cry yourself into oblivion, pass out. And thus ends the driving portion of the test. I thanked the instructor. The whole time I was driving, he hadn't been taking any notes. In Ohio, I remember that my instructor was grading me during my whole test. Once we got back to the driving center, she added up my score and told me straight away that I had passed. But not so in Japan. They like to make you suffer. Must be part of the code of Bushido or something like that.
The driving instructor then confirmed that I knew a little Japanese, and proceeded to reel off some very fast Japanese. I knew I failed at that point. And I had no clue what he said, though I caught the words "left" and "bicycle." Eventually, he realized that I had no idea what he was saying, so he took me back upstairs to Ms. Theresa. He reeled off his stream of Japanese again, she listened, and he left to go give the other 2 their tests. I thanked him again for his time. Then my BOE lady turned to me and said, "He says that you need to stay more left when you drive in case bicycles or mopeds come beside you. And he says that when you stop, you do stop, but you need to stop longer." Oh yeah, I so failed. She looked at my disappointed face and said, "I think you passed. Probably."
Now came the fun part. I had to sit in a waiting room for half an hour until the guy could come out and tell me that I failed for sure. Fun stuff. Poor Ms. Sainthood had to sit while I was in a depressed little funk for half an hour. And when I'm depressed, it can be an almost palpable thing. The minutes dragged by, and I was cursing myself for not falling off the road or something. At least if I had fallen off the road, it would have been automatic failure instead of this waiting for 30 minutes and THEN failing. And still, a small part of me was hoping that I had passed. I kept playing all sorts of scenarios in my head where I had to go back and tell the BOE that I had failed. Somewhere inside of me, my mind kept trying to think positive and show me scenarios where I came back triumphant. All those scenarios ended with Godzilla attacking my city right after that, so my victory was always short lived.
After a very, very tense half an hour, a different police officer came down the stairs and called for me and my BOE lady. He was not smiling and really looked liked the messenger who was about to tell Vlad the Impaler that his subscription to Horrendous Torture Implement of the Month Digest had been canceled. He then, still unsmiling, said something in fast Japanese. My BOE lady turned to me and said something in English that I didn't understand. But she was smiling. Hope, a thing with feathers that sits unseen in my soul, tried to take flight directly through my intestinal wall. "I passed?" I asked, and she nodded, smiling. My mind then digested what she had originally said, which was, "He says 'you are very rare'", which could be a great pick-up line, but wasn't intended to be in this case. Apparently he had explained to her how rare it was for a foreigner to pass the test on the first time (finally, she believed it - she thought I was over exaggerating until then), and that was his way of saying that I passed. He then broke into a grin when he saw how happy I was (my knees almost gave out), and said we had to do some more paperwork (I was so relieved at this point that I was positively skipping to go do more paperwork. Yea! Paperwork! I love this stuff!!). He escorted us to the appropriate window like a proud father, and every officer he saw along the way, he stopped to tell them that I got my license on the first try. Rather hilarious. Some of these officers I'd never seen before, so they just smiled in a vague sort of way and congratulated me. The officer I had seen a few times before shook my hand and looked very happy for me, though he was probably actually just happy that he would never have to see me again.
Yea for more paperwork. I was floating at this point. We then went upstairs so I could watch a safety video in English that taught me how to drive in Japan. Since I had just passed my test, I figured I knew how to drive in Japan; but I was so high on joy at this point that I swear I have never watched a movie as attentively as I did this one. My BOE lady and I talked a little bit (we were the only 2 in the room, so we didn't have to worry about disturbing others), and I think she wasn't as sure as she had seemed about me getting the license. She kept saying, "I'm so relieved!" She was preaching to the choir on that one. After the video, we asked the police officer what my driving score was. He said that there are 100 points for the test, and you need 70 to pass. Then he said that I "giri-giri pass", which means I barely passed. I got 70 points. But who cares? I passed!!
I then went to get my picture taken. Some really nice ladies were operating the camera. They congratulated me and told me to sit down and look at the camera. I sat and started fixing my hair and adjusting my shirt, then I got ready to look at the camera. "Ii desu" they said (it's good/okay); "Ii desu" I responded (yup, we're set, take the picture). My BOE lady then said, "Oh, no, they meant they had already taken the picture." ..... What?! This is a picture I'm going to have to live with for how many years, and I didn't even know they took it? What the heck? I was probably looking off-screen, drooling, and fixing my lopsided shirt. Great. I'm going to look like the hunchback on Notre Dame. Whatever. I got the license. Now I just have to be careful to not get pulled over so that I don't ever have to show it to anyone.
A few minutes later, and we were out of the DMV. I was so happy (have I expressed that enough?). I offered up so many prayers of thanks it was insane. The drive back to the BOE was much less tense. My BOE lady and I said we should pretend I failed just to see how the BOE reacted, but once we got back, we couldn't hold back our giggles. My section chiefs all stopped work when we came in and asked, very kindly, if I maru (circle/passed)? I think they were worried I didn't, because they were all looking very kind and concerned (man, you break down crying once, JUST ONCE, and everyone thinks you're going to do it all the time). I waited for a few seconds because everyone needs a little dramatic tension in their life, then I held up my hands in maru. The whole BOE cheered and told me congratulations. I told them "giri-giri pass", but one of my sections chiefs said, "We'll take it. A pass is a pass!" I had people crowding around me asking to see my deformed drivers license picture (it looks like a mug shot), and telling me how impressed they were. It was 4:00 at that point, and my boss looked at me and said, "Your work is done for the day. You can go home and relax now."
The rather ironic thing about all this is that I almost got into an accident on the way home. I think I had been so overly vigilant in my driving for the past few weeks that my mind snapped now that I had my license. So I went across a busy road and failed to notice the car speeding towards my side. They breaked just enough and I floored it just enough that we barely missed each other. I thought how wonderful it would have been to have to call the BOE 1 hour and 20 minutes after I got my new license in order to tell them that I had just totaled my car. But luckily, I'm okay. I just didn't drive for the rest of that weekend, and then I went back to driving as normal the next week. The poor Japanese DMV. They have no idea what kind of monster they've just unleashed on the roads of Japan. (*insert generic evil laughter here *)
In case anyone hasn't heard, I'm coming home for 2 weeks in July (the 14-29). So if anyone wants to visit, I'll be home some time during that period. We already have family events scheduled, so for any of my friends, fans, or stalkers, please email me to set up a time to meet if you want. :-)
ON GETTING A JAPANESE DRIVERS LICENSE
So I went to get my drivers license on Friday, June 1st, leaving bright and early in the morning. I left my BOE at 8:15 to the applause and wishes of good luck from my BOE bosses (embarrassing much? And of course, it didn't add any pressure to the situation). I headed out with the same woman who had helped me before (and who should be nominated for sainthood, I think). I reminded my BOE that 9 out of 10 foreigners fail the Japanese driving test their first time, but I don't think it really sunk in. I think they thought I was just exaggerating. I wasn't.
More fun times at the Japanese DMV. We got to enjoy the window hunt again, but luckily we actually got to the right windows. Our first window stop (window 12-14) led us to the guy who had "helped" us last time. He did my paperwork, welcomed me back, and wished me good luck. We got through all the necessary paperwork (hand in paperwork Window 12, pay fee at Red Window3, show stamps obtained from paying fee to person at window 10, get more paperwork from Red Window 4 and have police officer X help fill it out [ever tried to ask someone who doesn't speak your language if they have narcolepsy? That was some fun paperwork, let me tell you. My poor BOE lady...] go to big booth 2 to get eyes tested [by a sweet old man who spoke no English, but told me I could use English for the eye test if it made me more comfortable], then wait upstairs in waiting area 2 for someone who will give me the written test), and went to our assigned waiting area. There were already about 150 Japanese people in the testing room (for native Japanese, they have to answer 100 questions on the written portion of their driving test - I had 10. Sweet.); at 10:20, a police officer came and took me into the back of the testing hall.
I was slightly worried about the written test, as if I failed that, I would have to go home and come back another day, which would have been horrendously embarrassing. Other AET’s have said that the test is very easy, and if you fail you shouldn’t be let within 10 feet of a car. Even more pressure, because if I’m the one idiot that fails this thing, I’m never going to live it down. So I listened attentively as the officer explained (in Japanese) how I was supposed to take the test (circle True of False - he was worried I didn't understand those complicated directions, so he repeated them about 3 different ways, then asked for confirmation that I understood.). He led me to the back of the testing hall where I sat down and opened a notebook with 10 pages (clearly marked with numbers 1-10 on 10 different colored tabs). The examiner told me I had 10 minutes to finish the test - it worried me a little that I had so little time, so I hurriedly opened to the first question, which was a really tough opener. "If the traffic light is green, but there is a police officer signaling for you to stop, you should obey the police officers' directions. True or False." I think I agonized over that one for AT LEAST 10 whole seconds. The other 9 questions were just as difficult. It took me almost THREE WHOLE MINUTES to answer said questions. I went through the test twice, and after 4 agonizing minutes, I turned to the officer to let him know I was done. He smiled and said, "Easy, right?" He directed me back to the waiting area where the BOE lady looked up at me amazed. "That was four minutes. You're done?" Ten minutes later, the guy came back and said that I had, of course, passed (his words, not mine).
The officer then directed us to a room overlooking an enclosed driving course. He gave us a sheet of paper with a course mapped out and said the testing would start at 1:00, and we could walk the course at 12 if we wanted to. So I had roughly 2 and 1/2 hours to memorize the course, which was easier than I thought it would be. After 20 minutes of studying the course and memorizing it, my BOE lady asked if I wanted to go get lunch so we could walk the course at noon. I was feeling really nauseous and didn't want to eat anything for fear of booting in the course car (we didn't get to drive our own cars for the test, we had to drive cars the course provided for us), but I knew that if I didn't eat, this woman wouldn't eat, either. We headed down to the cafeteria and I was delighted to see that all the food served there was deep fried, greasy, or piping hot. Just the thing for a nervous stomach! I got a bowl of noodles, hoping it wouldn't be to horrible on my gut, and finished in about 3 minutes. We headed back to the course and waited another tense 10 minutes (SERIOUSLY the woman with me deserves SAINTHOOD) before we walked down to the course. I didn't know how long it would take, so I started walking fast before I realized my BOE lady is a good foot shorter than I am, so it was taxing her a bit to trot at my pace. I tried to slow down, but my nerves were having none of that. We walked the course in about 15 minutes, talking through when to stop, where to look, when to signal, etc. When we got back to the start point, I told her I wanted to walk again, but didn't want to drag her along, so she took my things and went back upstairs to wait. This time through, I flew. I walked the course in about 10 minutes, paying particular attention to the trouble areas.
The trouble areas in this course were 2 particular spots. There's a part called the "s-curve", which is an sharp s-curve about the width of a parking space. The next tricky part is called "The Crank." The crank is 3 very sharp 90 degree turns with flexible poles lining each corner. Rules of the test are: if you fall off the road, it's an automatic failure (they built a trench alongside the road, so if you accidentally get too close to the edge, it's rather obvious that you're off the road), and if you hit a cone or pole, it's an automatic failure.
I looked at my watch after my second walk through and saw that I had 5 minutes before the course closed, so I went back up to wait. Ms. Saint Theresa and I waited for another 15 tense minutes before a guy came up the stairs and confirmed my identity. There were 2 other Japanese guys waiting, so he talked to them for about 5 minutes (they would be driving a different course than me, so he was explaining their route). Then he got to me, confirmed that I spoke a little Japanese, and we were off. Now, there are a lot of routine things one must do when doing a Japanese driving test. The test itself is not so much a driving test as a test to see how truly serious you take driving. You get TONS of points taken off if you don't do certain things at certain times. The key to passing this test, I had been told, was to drive as slowly and as carefully as if you were going through a field full of puppies frolicking around children playing dodge ball.
Before the test, the instructor got in the car, as did the next driver (the driver that will drive after you sits in the car as you take your test. Really, great fun. I highly suggest for your next driving test, you get someone who's never seen a foreigner in their life before and stick them in your car. It's really quite fun to have someone staring at you from the back seat of your car while you're trying to concentrate. And I mean staring. EVERY stinking time I turned around to check my blind spot or looked in my mirror, he was staring at me.). Instead of getting in right away, I had to walk around the car, check the tires, check the mirrors, and make sure no stray object, cats, or nuclear devices were located near the car. I then opened my door, said "Excuse me" in Japanese, and got in once the instructor gave me permission. I checked my mirrors, checked my seat, checked my mirrors, looked to the left, looked to the right, checked the mirrors, checked that everyone was wearing their seatbelts, checked my mirrors. This test is all about over exaggerating everything you do so they can see that you are serious about driving. Every time I checked a mirror, I made sure to swivel my head so that he KNEW I was checking a mirror. Every time I checked my blind spot, I almost literally turned all the way around in my seat so that he couldn't miss what I was doing.
So, starting the test. Turned on the car, put it in drive, took off the parking brake, signaled to go out, checked my mirrors, checked my blind spot, waited for the bus, and released the brake. I had been told by other AET's to drive insanely slowly on this course, like around 5 kilometers an hour (I think that's -.2 miles per hour or something). I started off at about 10-15 kph, and that seemed incredibly slow, but I kept at it. Around a curve, turn left, approach a blind stop. Stop. Count to 4, roll forward, stop again, count to 4, check, recheck, triple check, okay. Pull out right turn stop light is green, slow down, check crosswalks, speed up, left turn into s-curve, go slow, stop breathing, keep tears inside, finish s-curve, thank God, signal left out of s-curve, stop, count to 4, go left, stop, count to 4, another left, traffic light, stop, green light, go slow, look at crosswalk, go left, go straight, another left (for the love of all that is holy, ENOUGH with the lefts!!, go straight, another left, and left into the crank, passenger seat passes corner, crank the wheel, drivers seat passes corner, crank the wheel, slow down, passengers seat passes corner, crank the wheel, signal left, start breathing again, count to 4, turn left, go straight, look at crosswalk for stray dogs, children, or gorillas, turn right, turn left, turn left, go around a corner, go straight, go back towards the car garage, look both ways, slow down for crosswalk, signal right, turn right, pull into parking space, brake, car in park, parking break on, car off, check mirrors, get out of car, cry yourself into oblivion, pass out. And thus ends the driving portion of the test. I thanked the instructor. The whole time I was driving, he hadn't been taking any notes. In Ohio, I remember that my instructor was grading me during my whole test. Once we got back to the driving center, she added up my score and told me straight away that I had passed. But not so in Japan. They like to make you suffer. Must be part of the code of Bushido or something like that.
The driving instructor then confirmed that I knew a little Japanese, and proceeded to reel off some very fast Japanese. I knew I failed at that point. And I had no clue what he said, though I caught the words "left" and "bicycle." Eventually, he realized that I had no idea what he was saying, so he took me back upstairs to Ms. Theresa. He reeled off his stream of Japanese again, she listened, and he left to go give the other 2 their tests. I thanked him again for his time. Then my BOE lady turned to me and said, "He says that you need to stay more left when you drive in case bicycles or mopeds come beside you. And he says that when you stop, you do stop, but you need to stop longer." Oh yeah, I so failed. She looked at my disappointed face and said, "I think you passed. Probably."
Now came the fun part. I had to sit in a waiting room for half an hour until the guy could come out and tell me that I failed for sure. Fun stuff. Poor Ms. Sainthood had to sit while I was in a depressed little funk for half an hour. And when I'm depressed, it can be an almost palpable thing. The minutes dragged by, and I was cursing myself for not falling off the road or something. At least if I had fallen off the road, it would have been automatic failure instead of this waiting for 30 minutes and THEN failing. And still, a small part of me was hoping that I had passed. I kept playing all sorts of scenarios in my head where I had to go back and tell the BOE that I had failed. Somewhere inside of me, my mind kept trying to think positive and show me scenarios where I came back triumphant. All those scenarios ended with Godzilla attacking my city right after that, so my victory was always short lived.
After a very, very tense half an hour, a different police officer came down the stairs and called for me and my BOE lady. He was not smiling and really looked liked the messenger who was about to tell Vlad the Impaler that his subscription to Horrendous Torture Implement of the Month Digest had been canceled. He then, still unsmiling, said something in fast Japanese. My BOE lady turned to me and said something in English that I didn't understand. But she was smiling. Hope, a thing with feathers that sits unseen in my soul, tried to take flight directly through my intestinal wall. "I passed?" I asked, and she nodded, smiling. My mind then digested what she had originally said, which was, "He says 'you are very rare'", which could be a great pick-up line, but wasn't intended to be in this case. Apparently he had explained to her how rare it was for a foreigner to pass the test on the first time (finally, she believed it - she thought I was over exaggerating until then), and that was his way of saying that I passed. He then broke into a grin when he saw how happy I was (my knees almost gave out), and said we had to do some more paperwork (I was so relieved at this point that I was positively skipping to go do more paperwork. Yea! Paperwork! I love this stuff!!). He escorted us to the appropriate window like a proud father, and every officer he saw along the way, he stopped to tell them that I got my license on the first try. Rather hilarious. Some of these officers I'd never seen before, so they just smiled in a vague sort of way and congratulated me. The officer I had seen a few times before shook my hand and looked very happy for me, though he was probably actually just happy that he would never have to see me again.
Yea for more paperwork. I was floating at this point. We then went upstairs so I could watch a safety video in English that taught me how to drive in Japan. Since I had just passed my test, I figured I knew how to drive in Japan; but I was so high on joy at this point that I swear I have never watched a movie as attentively as I did this one. My BOE lady and I talked a little bit (we were the only 2 in the room, so we didn't have to worry about disturbing others), and I think she wasn't as sure as she had seemed about me getting the license. She kept saying, "I'm so relieved!" She was preaching to the choir on that one. After the video, we asked the police officer what my driving score was. He said that there are 100 points for the test, and you need 70 to pass. Then he said that I "giri-giri pass", which means I barely passed. I got 70 points. But who cares? I passed!!
I then went to get my picture taken. Some really nice ladies were operating the camera. They congratulated me and told me to sit down and look at the camera. I sat and started fixing my hair and adjusting my shirt, then I got ready to look at the camera. "Ii desu" they said (it's good/okay); "Ii desu" I responded (yup, we're set, take the picture). My BOE lady then said, "Oh, no, they meant they had already taken the picture." ..... What?! This is a picture I'm going to have to live with for how many years, and I didn't even know they took it? What the heck? I was probably looking off-screen, drooling, and fixing my lopsided shirt. Great. I'm going to look like the hunchback on Notre Dame. Whatever. I got the license. Now I just have to be careful to not get pulled over so that I don't ever have to show it to anyone.
A few minutes later, and we were out of the DMV. I was so happy (have I expressed that enough?). I offered up so many prayers of thanks it was insane. The drive back to the BOE was much less tense. My BOE lady and I said we should pretend I failed just to see how the BOE reacted, but once we got back, we couldn't hold back our giggles. My section chiefs all stopped work when we came in and asked, very kindly, if I maru (circle/passed)? I think they were worried I didn't, because they were all looking very kind and concerned (man, you break down crying once, JUST ONCE, and everyone thinks you're going to do it all the time). I waited for a few seconds because everyone needs a little dramatic tension in their life, then I held up my hands in maru. The whole BOE cheered and told me congratulations. I told them "giri-giri pass", but one of my sections chiefs said, "We'll take it. A pass is a pass!" I had people crowding around me asking to see my deformed drivers license picture (it looks like a mug shot), and telling me how impressed they were. It was 4:00 at that point, and my boss looked at me and said, "Your work is done for the day. You can go home and relax now."
The rather ironic thing about all this is that I almost got into an accident on the way home. I think I had been so overly vigilant in my driving for the past few weeks that my mind snapped now that I had my license. So I went across a busy road and failed to notice the car speeding towards my side. They breaked just enough and I floored it just enough that we barely missed each other. I thought how wonderful it would have been to have to call the BOE 1 hour and 20 minutes after I got my new license in order to tell them that I had just totaled my car. But luckily, I'm okay. I just didn't drive for the rest of that weekend, and then I went back to driving as normal the next week. The poor Japanese DMV. They have no idea what kind of monster they've just unleashed on the roads of Japan. (*insert generic evil laughter here *)
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
ON THE JOYS OF SHARING A ROOM
Really, insanely quick update, as I have to be at my conversation class in 30 minutes.
Question: How do you respond when you wake up in your hotel room and find that one of your roommates decided to let a man sleep in her bed with her? I remember hearing her voice at around 4 am, but I didn't hear who she was talking to, so I assumed it was our other roommate. When I woke up at 7 and looked over at her bed, I realized that I was very, very wrong. Apparently, she had made a "friend" last night, but he was so drunk that he forgot where his hotel was. So being a kind person, she invited him to stay in our room with her. How sweet is that? I wasn't as bad off as our other roommate, though. She had gone to bed with a tank top and no pants or shorts, thinking, "It's really hot in here, and we're all girls, so it's okay." Needless to say, she was less than thrilled with the fourth person in our room. Whee! Fun times in Japan.
Really, insanely quick update, as I have to be at my conversation class in 30 minutes.
Question: How do you respond when you wake up in your hotel room and find that one of your roommates decided to let a man sleep in her bed with her? I remember hearing her voice at around 4 am, but I didn't hear who she was talking to, so I assumed it was our other roommate. When I woke up at 7 and looked over at her bed, I realized that I was very, very wrong. Apparently, she had made a "friend" last night, but he was so drunk that he forgot where his hotel was. So being a kind person, she invited him to stay in our room with her. How sweet is that? I wasn't as bad off as our other roommate, though. She had gone to bed with a tank top and no pants or shorts, thinking, "It's really hot in here, and we're all girls, so it's okay." Needless to say, she was less than thrilled with the fourth person in our room. Whee! Fun times in Japan.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Okay, quick update here to fulfill my once a week obligation. I hope to have some time to write on Thursday night, but I'm not sure I'll be able to find spare moments. Sorry. The drivers test update is halfway done, but I'm too tired to finish now.
ON BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS
Middle of class. 30 Japanese students looking on. Teacher turns to you and asks, "Do you know how to reproduce?" How do you answer? Turns out it's a teaching technique they use in Japan, and the term "reproduce" is the best translation they have for it. Nice. Who would have thought? I just figured it was going to be a really, really interesting question.
ON BEING LOST IN CONVERSATION
I "teach" an English adult conversation class in which 5 elderly Japanese people sit around and talk in Japanese for 2 and 1/2 hours. Highlight of my life, really, because I couldn't ever hear Japanese otherwise. Wait. I'm in Japan. I hear it EVERY DAY. I so dislike teaching this class. Imagine 5 people you really don't like. Doesn't have to be a reason you don't like them - they just get on your nerves. Now imagine having to sit in a room around a very small table with them. For 2 and 1/2 hours. Every week.
They talk for the whole time, mostly in Japanese. I will sometimes make a contribution in English (it IS an English conversation class), and they will nod, one of them will translate for the others (only one of the 5 even attempts to speak English), and then they will discuss whatever I said in Japanese. Occasionally one of them will turn to me after a joke and encourage me to laugh at it. They will be talking for maybe 20 minutes straight in Japanese (at which point my eyes have glazed over, when suddenly, someone will turn to me and say, "It was a joke. So funny!" through their laughter. Ahahahaha...yeah, I still don't understand Japanese, especially not jokes that take 5 minutes to explain. Last week, they were once again speaking in fast Japanese, and I was trying to catch some of it. I caught a few references to years (1992-1993), and I think I heard the word "dog", but I'm not sure. They all then burst into peals of laughter. One of them turned to me and said, by way of translation, "It's so funny! 1993!" and then looked at me expectantly. That was no help. That was actually the only part of their conversation I understood. Why did she translate that? And what was so funny about 1993? I was 11. Unless it was a joke about Tiny Toon Adventures, I probably wouldn't have understood it. You know the part of the song "Mary had a Little Lamb" that says, "It made the children laugh and play, laugh and play, laugh and play..."? Well, this conversation class makes me want to scream and cry, scream and cry, scream and cry.
ON IDEAS FOR GAMES THAT I'LL NEVER USE
I was trying to think of new games to play with the elementary school students. I was teaching them the names for various items of clothing, and I thought that we could play a type of go-fish. But as the thought further developed, I could see problems. "Taro, do you have any pants?" "Yes, here." "No, Taro, you're supposed to hand over the card with the picture of the pants..." But I do think it would be supremely fun to hear someone say, "Jun, do you have any pants?" "No, go fish."
ON BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS
Middle of class. 30 Japanese students looking on. Teacher turns to you and asks, "Do you know how to reproduce?" How do you answer? Turns out it's a teaching technique they use in Japan, and the term "reproduce" is the best translation they have for it. Nice. Who would have thought? I just figured it was going to be a really, really interesting question.
ON BEING LOST IN CONVERSATION
I "teach" an English adult conversation class in which 5 elderly Japanese people sit around and talk in Japanese for 2 and 1/2 hours. Highlight of my life, really, because I couldn't ever hear Japanese otherwise. Wait. I'm in Japan. I hear it EVERY DAY. I so dislike teaching this class. Imagine 5 people you really don't like. Doesn't have to be a reason you don't like them - they just get on your nerves. Now imagine having to sit in a room around a very small table with them. For 2 and 1/2 hours. Every week.
They talk for the whole time, mostly in Japanese. I will sometimes make a contribution in English (it IS an English conversation class), and they will nod, one of them will translate for the others (only one of the 5 even attempts to speak English), and then they will discuss whatever I said in Japanese. Occasionally one of them will turn to me after a joke and encourage me to laugh at it. They will be talking for maybe 20 minutes straight in Japanese (at which point my eyes have glazed over, when suddenly, someone will turn to me and say, "It was a joke. So funny!" through their laughter. Ahahahaha...yeah, I still don't understand Japanese, especially not jokes that take 5 minutes to explain. Last week, they were once again speaking in fast Japanese, and I was trying to catch some of it. I caught a few references to years (1992-1993), and I think I heard the word "dog", but I'm not sure. They all then burst into peals of laughter. One of them turned to me and said, by way of translation, "It's so funny! 1993!" and then looked at me expectantly. That was no help. That was actually the only part of their conversation I understood. Why did she translate that? And what was so funny about 1993? I was 11. Unless it was a joke about Tiny Toon Adventures, I probably wouldn't have understood it. You know the part of the song "Mary had a Little Lamb" that says, "It made the children laugh and play, laugh and play, laugh and play..."? Well, this conversation class makes me want to scream and cry, scream and cry, scream and cry.
ON IDEAS FOR GAMES THAT I'LL NEVER USE
I was trying to think of new games to play with the elementary school students. I was teaching them the names for various items of clothing, and I thought that we could play a type of go-fish. But as the thought further developed, I could see problems. "Taro, do you have any pants?" "Yes, here." "No, Taro, you're supposed to hand over the card with the picture of the pants..." But I do think it would be supremely fun to hear someone say, "Jun, do you have any pants?" "No, go fish."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)