On Practical Gardening

So way back in the beginning of September, my schools had their annual Sports Days. You really have to see them to believe them, so I took tons of video for everyone to look at when I get home. These Sports Days are pretty big events. People from the Board of Education, the PTA, and other important people who I have no idea who they are, come to watch these events. The schools, then, must be cleaned and look nice and tidy. And since schools don't hire janitors or groundskeepers, this job falls mostly to the teachers and students. And since the students are practicing hard in 100+ degree heat, most of the teachers do the majority of the work. In my first year here, I was at my base school for the first week, so I ended up helping to weed the Sports field while wearing a skirt and sandals and wielding a sharp instrument of death. Fun times, fun times. This year, I was at several different schools, but I was smart enough to wear sports gear and take pictures of my students instead of picking weeds.

Now, when I say pulling weeds, you probably think of someone sitting with a spade or something. No, when we pull weeds in Japan, we don't pull them - we annihilate them. With extreme prejudice. The first time I helped, I was given a stick with a flat, sharp piece of metal on the end. Kind of like a mallet of death. Some of these things are sharp, but the one I had was not. I guess I was supposed to bludgeon the weeds to death with it. Other teachers carry other implements. The vice principal (kyoto sensei), principal (kocho sensei), and head teacher all get the really fun weed pulling jobs. They get to walk around in ginormous long-sleeved jumpsuits with aprons over them because these special teachers get to wield Blades of Weedy Death. They get the weedwackers, the weedsmackers, and the weed destroyers. All symbols of spinning, shart death for weeds and the occasional snake (kocho sensei killed a snake that was on the field with a weedwacker. That was great fun to watch). Apparently, though, there are some weeds that even these instruments cannot get to. Weeds stuck in between the pavement and the curb in the parking lot are impervious to weedwackers. I'm happy to say, though, that my teachers found a solution.

First, I should describe the head teacher at my school. The head teachers is usually a teacher who has taught for around 15-20 years, has a good handle on teaching, and can hand out punishments whenever the vice principal isn't around. The head teacher at this school was actually the head teacher at one of my other schools last year. He never talked to me at that other school, but at this school, I found out that he actually can speak flawless English if he is so moved to do so. He's just incredibly shy around me, as is the entirety of the male population of Japan. I'm intimidating like that. Anyway, I feel as if I have to make this observation about him: he is the most ripped man in Japan. He has biceps as big as my head. Well, maybe not quite that big, but still impressive. Here in Japan, most of the guys I see that are muscular have very thin, sleek physiques, so they don't have the massive muscles that guys who lift weights in America have. These guys usually have the lithe physique of martial artists (surprise, surprise). This is not to say that they are not strong and do not have muscles. But this is why my head teacher sticks out so much - he is absolutely and completely ripped. And he knows it. And he wants others to know it as well. He walks around in sleeveless t-shirts whenever he can get away with it. And whenever he does wear a t-shirt, he rolls up the sleeves so everyone can see his guns. He is not shy at all about it. He really kind of looks like a man's man (and no I'm not in love with him - he's old enough to be my father, and he's married and has kids. So don't worry mom! I'm not marrying any Japanese guys yet! [I bet that "yet" was comforting, wasn't it?]

Anyway, this guy is a man's man, very big, beefy, manly, practices judo, probably spits and scratches himself when appropriate. I had seen him prowling the school grounds with the weedwacker one day, and he seemed to be having problems. For those of you who have never heard a weedwacker scrape against cement, I suggest you go give it a listen. Hearing fingernails on a chalkboard will NEVER be an issues for you after that. So this guy suddenly disappeared for awhile from the school grounds. After an hour, I had to leave to go coach students at another school for speech contest, so I grabbed my stuff and ran out the door. As I turned around the corner, I heard a noise like air going into a balloon. I soon found out why. Turns out that Mr. Buff had a great idea about how to get rid of those weeds. When using a weedwacker doesn't work, why not pull out another helpful gardening tool - a blowtorch. What? You're telling me that you've never used a blowtorch on your flowerbed? Why ever not? It seems a logical conclusion to me! Stubborn weeds? Make life easier! Burn them all! A quick pass or two with a blowtorch, and you'll never be bothered by those weeds again. Or by your eyebrows, flowers, trees, grass, or neighborhood cats!

This is just one of those sweet things that I'd never get to see if I had stayed in America. Sometimes I'm so glad that I'm in Japan. Where else could I see someone using a blowtorch as a garden tool? It's the little things...